A common issue in troubled marriages is financial distress. If you don’t want money to create havoc in your marriage, please read on.

Is money creating tension in your marriage? Or, are you and your spouse searching for ways to stay on the same financial wavelength? If yes, below are 6 suggestions that will not only prevent money from ruining your marriage, it will also strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

#1. Be a Team

“Never above you, never below you, always beside you” – Walter Maxwell

To have a successful marriage and keep your financial well-being healthy, you both must be on the same money page.

It is a common understanding that the “your money vs. my money” mindset has to go once you are married, but also as important to drop is the “split everything down the middle” mindset. You may think it is easier to follow the splitting-down-the-middle mindset especially when you cannot agree on money matters or cannot make time to discuss money issues. However, this approach often causes resentment over personal purchases. It can lead to financial adultery, once one spouse conceals money from another. Financial infidelity can occur in many shapes, from hiding purchase decisions to telling lies about assets.

If you wish to have and enjoy financial unity, you and your partner must develop an actionable plan that both of you agree to implement. Before working out a financial plan together, sit down and talk about both your lifelong dreams and explore financial goals. Ask yourself – What are your expectations going forward – as an individual and with each other? Write each response and address them.

#2. Build Finances & Money Goals Together

“A man with dreams needs a woman with vision.” – Source Unknown

Having targets will shift the course of your life. After you’ve outlined your vision, start considering the targets you should set to fulfil your aspirations.

Think what financial target you might realistically reach over the next year. For example, if you want to save money. Don’t just say, “I want to save money.” Be specific such as “We want to save RM1,000 for the next six months.”.

What if in 5 years? Would you want to stay out of debt? Or plan for things like a house, engagement, holiday, or retirement? Have you built up an emergency fund? Break targets into achievable measures and monitor them.

Brainstorm these issues together. You should remember – setting objectives together maximizes the likelihood of achievement.

#3. Make a Family/Household Budget

“Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant.” – PT Barnum

When both halves of a couple share a common financial strategy and have established goals as a team, it’s time to create a family/household budget. Prepare a written budget suited to both spouses. You must embrace and stick with the budget and the commitments you have made.

Keep the budget discussion clear and be open. Do not enter a discussion intending to push your partner to sign the proposal.

Engage your partner in dialogue by asking these questions:

  • What are we earning?
  • How much do we spend on a gross monthly basis?
  • Can we pay down the debt sooner rather than later?
  • Is there any way of saving money?
  • Once we pay the bills and loans, where will our surplus go?

Discuss the financial details of the family budget. Try to determine the effect of the latest financial plan on your lifestyle. And, explain what decisions and compromises you will make to achieve your goals.

The devil would be in the details. Raise your concerns and questions right from the start, as your goal is to build your family’s financial prosperity.

Make sure you set the budget and keep it somewhere safe. When you prepare a budget, you have a responsibility and a close watch on spending. If you do not write it, you’re not likely to follow it.

You may suggest using an application to track your budget. As you progress, you can make budget changes whenever they make sense.

A solid budget serves you; it is not a dictator that smothers you.

#4. Communicate – Speak Your Mind, No Secret Motives

“Communication is like oxygen to life in a marriage.” – Tony Gaskins

Talk regularly. Lack of engagement with your spouse can trigger financial and other personal problems.

On money matters, hold monthly sessions on budget transparency. This is an opportunity to address finances issues, analyse the budget, and resolve the problems that emerged. It must be a two-way husband-wife talk. Discuss in a way where both parties engage. Aim to be transparent, frank, and forgiving. When you are not truthful with your partner regarding your financial fears, this could contribute to tension.

#5. Change Your Attitude

“Whenever you are in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is attitude.” – William James

Change your mind and you change your life. Your state of mind affects every aspect of your life. An optimistic, committed and joyful attitude in life will lead you beyond a defeatist attitude which loves to complain.

If you feel that your financial strategies or ambitions are going to be daunting, then they will. But, if you are passionate and determined to fulfil your financial ambitions and strategies, there is no end to what you can accomplish.

Your behaviour about your relationship also plays an important part. If you have the spirit of reconciliation, your marriage will be more united and your fortune will be safer. If you grant grace to your partner in tough times, you will feel a happier and more harmonious unity.

#6. Seek Solutions and Compromise

“Compromise is not about losing. It is about deciding that the other person has just as much right to be happy with the end result as you do” – Donna Martini

Compromise is a secret to a great partnership.

Men and women view money differently. Money offers a sense of protection and prosperity for women. Men are more inclined to take chances with money and see problems surrounding money as an important challenge to their self-esteem.

It is vital that you understand each other’s strengths and weaknesses, but it is also necessary to overcome the major differences. There will be stuff you disagree about where compromise becomes necessary. A stable partnership calls for reciprocity; a spouse sometimes voluntarily abandons what he or she desires for the sake of the other.

Compromise involves seeking a way that appeals to both parties. For example, one challenge couples face is ‘spenders versus savers’. One spouse loves spending money and buying items, whilst the other prefers to hold up the savings account. One remedy is to establish a “self-indulgence” category as a budget line. That way the spender get to spend some money every month. Meanwhile, it can assure the saver that it accounts for the amount spent. This arrangement worked well, and it probably avoided several needless fights.

Conclusion

Money can trigger friction in a stable marriage and may lead to other personal problems. However, if you manage your life and finances with a strategy, your hope of a happy marriage will come true. Both of you would be happier if you collaborate toward mutual purposes, particularly if you value each other’s opinion about money.

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These are just some tips. Do you have other suggestions? Please share.